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TOPICS: It’s dog nil, duck one

OUR year is off to a perfect start because we’ve received an email with the subject line ‘‘Duck beats dog’’.
Nanjing Night Net

It’s from Col Maybury, our trusted Kurri Kurri correspondent, and it’s about a drama (pictured) that’s unfolding in his yard. A fox, reckons Col, has put a grisly end to a mother duck and some of her ducklings.

But the surviving ducklings have a fighter in their corner.

‘‘George, our father wood duck, raised the three,’’ says Col.

‘‘They are teenagers now and eat from our hands. Sophie our dog is terrified of them. Today, George savagely attacked. Score: dog nil, duck one.’’

Punitive gifting

A READER, who doesn’t wished to be named, reports that she was one of the legion of Hunter shoppers who bought gift cards this festive season (Topics, December27).

Unimpressed by a lack of recent phone calls from her son, our reader sent him a few vouchers for Christmas. But there was a catch.

‘‘I posted my son a nice Christmas card with four $100 uncharged gift cards enclosed,’’ she says.

‘‘One from Just Jeans, one from Westfield and two from Visa. I actually think this is funnier than giving someone scratched ‘scratchies’.’’

Topics wonders if she has since heard from her son.

Brother, it’s tough

JANUARY1 was a big day for the Hangover Brothers, as customers pelted the mysterious fast-food delivery crew with demands.

‘‘Is Hamilton pide shop open?’’ wrote one on the Brothers’ Facebook page. Good news: it was.

‘‘Can you bring me beer yet?’’ asked another. They couldn’t.

Another customer, perhaps overcome by the festivities, had an understandable enquiry.

‘‘Do you guys babysit?’’

Extended August

YESTERDAY, Topics gave you 14 reasons to love 2014.

We kind of ran out after six, but we got there. Today, reader John offers a reason to love August 2014.

‘‘August 2014 will be unique insofar as it will have five Fridays, Saturdays and Sundays,’’ he tells us.

‘‘Now that’s a long weekend.’’

John says it won’t happen again for some 823 years.

Urban creepies

OK, what’s going on here?

First Topics hears that, thanks to fierce bushfires and record November rain, the number of snakes migrating to the suburbs has skyrocketed (Newcastle Herald, December18).

Then we find out there’s a thing called ‘‘funnel web season’’ (Herald, January1), which sounds like mango or apricot season except that instead of biting into delicious fruit, you might get bitten into by things from your nightmares.

With all the creepy-crawlies around, we’d like to hear about the worst place you’ve found a spider or snake. It might’ve been the pool, a gumboot, the glovebox …

We’ll start. The setting is Brisbane’s outskirts, 1991. A young Topics is playing with our cousin, who owns a toy car garage which has an elevator shaft. Except that when the toy elevator reaches its top floor, the door opens and out slides the head of a black snake.

We’ll never shake that image. Send your snake or spider tale to [email protected]南京夜网.au.

LAW OF THE JUNGLE: As the surviving ducks try to just get on with it, father duck George shows Sophie the dog who’s the real boss of the Maybury menagerie.

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